How Do You Stay In Shape

Friend: Wow, Silent you have an amazing shape. How do you keep your figure?

Me: Well, you know I run either in the mornings or after work and I watch what I eat most of the time so you know, there's that.

Friend: *scrunches face* I could never do that.

Me: Okay (*thinks to self* You seem to enjoy being out of shape anyway so keep munching on fast food and drinking those high caloric drinks if you choose.)


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During these types of conversations, which spike during the warmer seasons, I sometimes end the conversation with okay and change the subject. I'm not sure why people think there is a secret to staying in shape. No I don't take Herbalife, partake in body wraps or any of those other fad weight controlling products. Trust me if there was a secret to being fit, I'd share it.

My physique is a combination of genetics (being 6 foot means if I gain 5 lbs, I'm probably the only person to notice.) and hard work. I'm a long distance runner. Well actually I fall somewhere along the spectrum of runner and jogger depending on the day and how the wind is blowing. Lately, it doesn't matter how I feel because November is rapidly approaching and I need to be able to run 26.2 miles without taking a 12 hour break. So I force myself to run, even when I don't actually feel like running.

In conjunction with running like crazy, I go to the gym and lift weights sporadically through out the week. Sometimes I do a few crunches (read: between 50-200 ) before going to sleep at night.

So you know, I go to work.

I end conversations like the one above with an 'okay' when a person says they don't have time to work out the way I do. If you're okay with your shape and the ways your clothes fit, so be it. You like it, I love it. Other times, when I'm not completely ignoring people's inconsistent actions vs words in regards to their fitness, I give tips and encourage others to change their habits. As mentioned previously, I lost my mother to heart disease at a young age which means this is not a topic I take lightly if you're in my life. When I do speak up, it comes from a genuine place of concern and love. You can almost tell how much I care about you by the interest and input I put into a discussion about health and fitness. When I care, I care a lot. I can be a bit much. I'm sure it can be overwhelming and possibly annoying.  

The moral of the story is: Don't ask me questions you don't want to know the answer to.

The other moral of the story is..it's Friday and therefore I am not going to proof read or edit this post.

The other other moral of the story is...before you complain about your health or weight, take a good look about the food you're using to fuel your body and how you take care of the only one you get. Yeah a good long, hard, honest look.



On a brighter note, I plan to wear crop tops, shorts and sun dresses all summer so if you see a 6 foot tall woman roaming the streets of NYC basking in the glory that is hard work, say hello. It's me.

Go Back to School They Say

Go back to school, they say. 
 
You'll have more opportunities, they say. 
The number of jobs available to you will grow immensely, the say. 
It'll pay for itself, they say. 
Expand your knowledge base and become an authority in a field you're passionate about, they say.  

They said so much when I said I had a strong desire to go back to school. I thought I did it the right way. I waited several years and did lots of research into the field I was interested in. Unfortunately, I've found out the hard way, that they didn't say everything. 

You may not find employment right after graduation, they didn't say. 
The amount of money you borrow may seem impossible to pay back, they didn't say. 
Sometimes you may find yourself unable to secure positions you're more than qualified because you're too educated, they didn't say.
You may have to dumb down your résumé to keep a roof over your head and food in your mouth, they didn't say. 
Moving home may be necessary at some point, they didn't say. 
You may question yourself at times, they didn't say.

I am sure I made the right decision by quitting my well paying job and going back to school. But honestly sometimes, I question my decision. I didn't imagine how difficult it would be to properly express to employers that I am able to excel at the positions I apply for.  Understanding that it takes more time for some opposed to others has been my most pressing issue. Finding my patience and acceptance of my path is an ongoing process. 

I will keep applying to jobs and working my network, I say. 
I won't feel defeated if I end up back in LA, I say.
Once I get my foot in the door my skills and experience will shine, I say. 
I'm going to use my degree to my advantage and affect the change I desire, I say. 
I've come this far by faith so I will trust in the lord, I say.
Watch me work, I say

Go back to school if you've done the research and are sure about what you're getting yourself into, I say.

Once It's Out There, You Can't Take It Back

I read a brief but useful article this morning over my morning cup of Joe (actually, it was water, I don't drink coffee). While most people are aware of these tips, I thought I'd share them anyway. I've definitely become a lot more conscious about what I put out into the universe, so I'd like to make you just as paranoid as I since the resurfacing of the government surveillance program raised concerns about privacy.

The article is titled,  "Balancing Privacy and Public Web Presence."

Recently evidence of a massive government surveillance program called PRISM has re-surfaced concerns about individual privacy. Here at GradHacker, we've blogged about the need for a public web presence in grad school, primarily in order to facilitate networking, sharing researching, and job searching. While these discussions have included ideas about what to share and what not to share, they've largely ignored (mea culpa!) the privacy discussion. While I don't have any tips for avoiding government surveillance, there are some privacy considerations that most of us should think about as we splash about in the social stream.

1) Be aware that if it went via the internet, it can be seen by anyone. This is especially true for Twitter and Facebook, but even applies to emails and now Google chat (no more off the record by default!).  Academics sometimes hold controversial opinions, as well. This is fine, but we are aware of how opinions can be taken out of context and perhaps save them for lengthier discussions rather than on twitter. And if you are saying something just plain mean about someone or a group of people, don't claim you are "just doing research."

2) Stay up-to-date on privacy settings on all your platforms: I like to follow the social media news so that I can stay up-to-date on the dizzying changes to privacy on my platforms, especially Facebook. Luckily, the internet has done most of the heavy lifting for me already. For example, lifehacker.com has an "An Always Up-to-Date Guide to Managing Your Facebook Privacy" which is an excellent place to start. Also check out Mashable's coverage of social media sites and their extensive "How-to" Section.

3) Always think before you post: It's easy to get sucked into Twitter fights, so it's important for me to think before I post. Basically, if I am angry, I try to walk away before posting. After all, as xckd noted, there's always someone wrong on the internet.

Read more: http://www.insidehighered.com/blogs/gradhacker/balancing-privacy-and-public-web-presence#ixzz2W0fXsMl3 
Inside Higher Ed 

You can thank me later.

Passive Aggressiveness is Not Sexy

I'm not in the business of sugar coating my thoughts but I said I would try and be less insensitive in my delivery of random thoughts. Today's random post is a subject I've written, tweeted and talked about over a dozen times over the past few years. I'm not sure when this happened, but it seems as if men are becoming a lot more passive aggressive in courting women. I'm sure this goes hand in hand with the lazy ass trend of constantly texting instead of calling to express interest. (This post is not about picking up the phone to call but I'll be damned if I miss another opportunity to encourage both men and women to do so. Pick up the phone and call, sign on to the computer and Skype, use your iPhone and Facetime people...geesh!.)

Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and she expressed her disdain for a male suitor who sent her the following message, "Are we still going out tonight?"

I know exactly what he was trying to do here and he failed terribly. One, she's not that into him anyway so his passive aggressive message just about lost any interest she did have. Two, even if she was interested, why didn't he just ask her a direct question?

He made the right move by attempting to confirm their plans, however, he came off very unsure of himself. What we both read from that message was, "I've been cancelled on a lot and I'm sure you're going to do to me what several women have done before so instead of asking you straight up if you are interested in seeing me, I'm going to buffer my landing because you were probably planning to shoot me down anyway."

Here is a more direct approach: "What time are you free tonight, I have a few ideas about where to take you."

This is such a sexy message! It shows you've thought about her and planned the activity.

It's pretty simple: Confidence is sexy. Aggressiveness is sexy. Be sexy!

As a woman, even if I wasn't 100% into places a guy chose for us to be out together, I always went happily. Maybe I'm in the minority when saying this but if I am interested in a guy, like a guy and/or enjoy his company, where we go isn't all that important. Him being sexy to me is and there is one easy way for this to happen.

Be confident and aggressive, ie. direct.

Please note: If a man had picked up the phone to have a few conversations before asking her out, he'd probably know the kinds of places she likes to frequent and whether or not she'd be interesting in trying something new. I'm just sayin.

If all else fails and you still can't find your courage, at least bring flowers because although they aren't sexy, they're at least thoughtful.

Do Better

When you know better, you do better. - Maya Angelou

Oprah credits Maya Angelou for changing her life and easing her mind when she was feeling down about her own mistakes with this very quote. During an episode of the 'Oprah Winfrey Show' years ago, she stated the following:

Maya Angelou had said this to me once when I was talking to her about mistakes I had made in my youth.

                                 

And she was saying you did in your 20s what you knew how to do and when you knew better you did better and you should not be judged for the person that you were but for the person you are trying to be and the woman that you are now. -Oprah

Those words are so freeing from the hostage internally created from who I used to be or anything I used to do. She who has never made mistakes, is a better woman than I. Since I don't believe those people exist, I know that at times, we all fall short.  I also recognize the power I hold and hold no grudges towards those I willingly gave that power to. Why? Because I didn't know any better.

Now that I know better, I do better.

I Am My Name

Growing up with a middle name that contains 14 letters and 7 syllables, a first and last name that rhyme with R-rated taunt-worthy body parts was not easy. [Insert a bullying story here.] I won't bore anyone with the details of how I was bullied throughout elementary and middle school due to my name because weren't we all? bullied for something.  To tell you the truth, I didn't learn how to spell or properly pronounce my middle name until junior high. It didn't mean much to me then. It was  different and made me different and therefore an east target.

My three names (given name, middle and surname) are of Nigerian Yoruba origin. My given name in English roughly translates to 'Everlasting joy' or 'Eternal Happiness'. Heavy, right?
 
The translation of my middle name is 'God gives me joy' or  'Joyful Gift of God'. Pressure much?

According to a name meaning website I recently visited, my name includes the following traits:
 

Who is she?

Immensely likeable, charming and conciliatory; she is also energetic, courageous and fiercely determined. Extremely sensitive and emotional by nature, she could experience fluctuating moods and a certain amount of nervous tension... [Silent] is capable of living in harmony with the vibrations of her master number 11, which endow her with tremendous physical and moral strength. Her view on life would therefore be broad and idealistic; her aspirations elevated and noble... (especially if she was born [...] in November.  [Silent] is honest, frank and direct; she doesn´t see the point in beating around the bush and loathes pretentiousness with a passion while injustice which makes her absolutely furious. Indeed, even though she is usually all smiles, sweetness and light, she is nevertheless capable of violent rage if you rub her up the wrong way. She can be very talkative and spontaneous, lively and quick as a flash; and although she remains essentially altruistic with a great love for humanity, she is not completely indifferent to the material realm and could sometimes be sensitive to external symbols of wealth. She likes to take care of her appearance and could have a penchant for precious stones or beautiful clothes.

What does she like?

[Silent] likes to make others happy and maintain harmonious relationships with those around her. She enjoys communicating and exchanging within a group that she animates with warmth, generosity, a sense of humor and a critical mind. She has a profound sense of friendship and loves to be able to help others.

If this aint me, man listen this is so me!

We won't even discuss my surname but you should know there is a famous non-blood related singer with the same surname.  I say all of this to say, I have a lot to live up to. This is something I don't take light heartedly.
 
As an adult, I appreciate my grandmother for giving me names that represents who she is and what she wanted me to be. My names are unique and give me something to strive towards. Unfortunately, having these names aren't all peaches and cream. I experience the same annoying interactions with new individuals. The most annoying interaction is due to my given name being "difficult" for an unfamiliar individuals to pronounce. A lot of times they shorten it without my consent. It is for the reasons mentioned before, my frank personality mainly, that when someone mispronounces, shortens, or misspells any of these names, I speak up.

When I moved to New York, I started a new practice, I began going by my complete given name. I no longer readily allow new people to refer to me by my old nickname. I don't press the issue much but normally upon introduction I will provide my complete given name.  For over 2 decades, I introduced myself to people with my nickname because at that point, my name didn't mean much to me. I didn't let it define me. But these days it does. I find it much more respectful for a person  to attempt pronounce my given name and completely butcher it, versus those that don't even try, scrunch their face and tell me what they are going to call me. Seriously, how would you like it if I called you asshole from this day forth? How does that make you feel?

Listen, I am my name.

I am a joyful gift of God with everlasting joy.

I am also, "honest, frank and direct," so when we meet, at least attempt to call me by the name I provide.

 

I Still Don't Want No Short Man

Earlier today I received a notification for a post I did on my old blog I Hate The Way You Eat Cereal. It's been almost 3 years since I wrote this post about not wanting to date men shorter than me through the use of a night out on the town.

For those of you who don't remember, here's what I wrote:

It must suck to be a short man (under 5 ’9″**) in this world. Seriously after Sunday night, I feel for you. After seeing how this man was treated, I just wanted to take off my heels and pass them to all the Napoleons out there. Let me start from the beginning…

According to Grace and several other friends, I have a tendency to talk to anyone with a pulse, especially when I’m in the club. In my defense, even though I am hardly ever interested in pursuing anything outside the confines of the flashing lights and blasting music, I don’t see any harm in friendly conversation. In my opinion, it would be rude if I ignored men just because I couldn’t see myself doing the horizontal with them. Hell, I wouldn’t talk to many people if I were restricted to those strict standards. So, if you catch me out and you have something interesting to say, I’ll lend an open ear.

Being that it was Labor Day weekend and I wouldn’t have to pull myself out of bed at the crack of dawn, I decided to go out Sunday night. A couple of my girls knew of a Labor Day celebration (without the all-white requirement thank goodness). I invited my sister along for the ride and off we went.

As is typical for a club in L.A., we noticed immediately that the male patrons were vertically challenged.  Being that myself and one of my girls are 6 ‘4” with heels on, my sister is close behind reaching 6 ‘2” with her stilettos, and Grace is, well she prefers tall men, it was looking that it was going to be one of those nights. After a “fat” man, Nadia’s words not mine, invited us over to his bottle service, the night was looking up. Her actual words were and I quote, “Hey that fat guy invited us over drinks.”  Free alcohol and a comfortable place to sit made the chubby man’s offer promising.

As we were sitting down sipping and talking to each other, our conversation was interrupted by a Gary Coleman look-a-like. (Gary, I’m going to call him that for the purpose of this story if you don’t mind, told me he was the average height- 5’10″… and since most guys lie about their height he was probably actually 5 ‘7” 5 ‘8” but with my heels on he didn’t even reach my shoulders) Apparently he was the cousin of the chubster and wanted to introduce himself. After greetings, he took a seat next to me of course. It didn’t even dawn on me that he was interested in anything more than conversation until he told me he was attracted to me. Pause. What did he want me to do with that information? I brushed off his slight advances and continued to listen to him go on and on about himself, his career and all of the celebrities he had dated (I hate L.A. men for this reason by the way). You think I care you dated Tyra Banks because…[fill in stupid response that makes no sense because I don’t actually give a rat's ass].

After my sister noticed that I was stuck with a shadow, she invited me to the dance floor. Being that he was now physically attached to my hip, Gary decided to tag along. As we made our way through the crowds of people, I kept losing sight of Gary. I saw him on his tippy toes a couple of times as he tried to keep up with our long strides. This man got absolutely no respect. Since he was nothing but nice to us the entire time, I didn’t see any harm in dancing with him. It wasn’t like I was really doing anything else and its nice to have a partner on the dance floor sometimes. Unfortunately for him, other men weren’t letting that happen. A guy spotted me and started talking to me in my ear as I danced with Gary. The entire time Gary looked confused so I told the guy I wasn’t interested. Either he didn’t hear me over the loud music, or he just didn’t care, but he decided he was going to dance with me too. Now I was standing in the middle of the dance floor dancing with both a startled Gary and a cocky ass. I just laughed to myself. I looked over at my sister and her friend and they were shaking their heads and laughing too. Finally, Gary tapped me on my shoulder to find out what was going on, I bent down and let him know that I didn’t know the guy and turned away. So he immediately got the guys attention and let him know I was with him. Really Gary, you’ve got some balls. Although I had no interest in any romantic interest in him, Gary seemed like a genuinely sweet man.  Hopefully he’ll find some average height woman out there.

How do you feel about a height difference? As a woman, would you date a man shorter than you? As a man, do you feel emasculated by a woman who is taller than you after she puts on heels? What about if she’s taller than you without heels?

**In relation to me, any man under 6 ’0″ is short.

I still stand by this post but I can admit it is a bit harsh. It's my truth and I don't apologize for it. Today I just wanted to give a special shoutout to the best comment to date on this post. Cheers to Mike:

5’7 isn’t even that short. I’m 6’1but You sound like a real bitch that judges everyone. 6’4 is a litttttle ridiculous for a woman so maybe if you weren’t a sasquatch lookin bitch, you wouldn’t pass judgement so much on shorter men. You need to put your focus on more important things in life rather than sitting on your computer writing articles about your clubbing adventures as a sasquatch and seeing an ‘overweight’ and ‘short’ man.

He said 5 '7 isn't even that short. I bet this little man is 5 '7. Listen I didn't make the rules but everyone would agree 5 '7 is short for a man.

That is all. I had a good laugh, I hope you did as well.