Is he after me or my bed (Sir Trundle)?

Seriously I don’t know what this guys deal is?

Last week I was hanging with an old flame that I had no intentions of doing anything with. (Read: If he would have tried hard enough I may or may not have been down) I told him several times before he came that we couldn't make the mistake of falling into old habits anymore because I was over it. We're trying to see if we can be just friends. Plus I was just getting over a small cold, a fact I failed to mention before inviting him over, so nothing really could have happened. BUT, what was the most surprising is that after spending a short amount of time with me in the living room, he got up and went straight to snuggle with Sir Trundle.

There was no warning. He just got up, wiped something from his eye and went straight to my bed.

What

The

Fcuk?!

I sat in the living room for a few minutes completely confused. Did he just go to my bed without saying good night? Naw that didn’t happen.

Did he just go to MY bed without asking?!? Naw that didn’t happen.

But wait. It did just happen! Both those things just happened!

After about an hour of watching tv, I (Kanye) shrugged and went to bed. A bed I was now sharing with this uninvited guest.

I looked over at him and he must have been off in some la la land having the best dream because I swear I saw a smirk on his face. The next day he hugged me goodbye and went home to change for work.

Did I just get used for my bed?

Before I left I just sat with Sir Trundle for a minute and apologized for letting a guest join us for a night of just sleep. Which yes, was the original plan all along, but damn, I didn’t even get the chance to shut him down. The nerve!

The Break-Up List

Rachel: Girl, I don't know why I stopped talking to Jerome.

Nicole: You don't remember how he made you hold his piece**?

Rachel: He needed that for protection. I blame society not him.

Nicole: How about how when he was driving your car, got shot at in it, left your car in the street with the key in the ignition because he didn't want to get caught by the police? Oh and lets not forget your uncle had to pick it up from the impound.

Rachel: Girl that wasn't really his fault. That could happen to anyone. I got my car back didn't I?

Nicole: What about the fact that he has no where to live and if yall get back together, he'll ask to move back in?

Rachel: Oh yeah, he used to eat up all my fruit snacks, I don't know what I was thinking.

*The names of these stories have been changed to protect the identity of those parties involved. These are true events!



**A Gun, knife, or other weapon.

You ever end a relationship and after a while wonder why? When I first end a relationship, I constantly remind myself why I walked away. But after some time has passed, those negative memories begin to fade and all of the great things my old partner used to do rise to the surface like oil in water. As more time passes, I sometimes question why it is exactly things didn't work out. For this reason, dating me includes a revolving door. For the most part, every guy from my past has reentered it several weeks, days or even years later because from what I remember, the break-up wasn't that bad. I can't let this happen again, especially not with Jerse.

Since I'm all about being prepared for the future, I came up with what I have dubbed 'The Break-Up List.' What I did was take out a sheet of paper (a laptop won't show the emotion like a pen stroke) and wrote down all the reasons I originally decided to end things with him. I included examples just in case my future self thought I was exaggerating the circumstances. When I had the urge to reach out to him, I picked up my list and smacked myself. After reading #4 on my list, I recalled a time he disappeared for a few days. No call. No text. Nothing. Oh how quickly we forget.

Its only been a week but its working so far. I haven't said one peep to him. As a matter of fact, I just thought of something else to add to that list. Smdh.

How do you make sure not to repeat the same mistakes? Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? How do you keep yourself from contacting an old flame?

He Put A Ring On It!

Not me fool, on my girl Mocha. I've known her since the beginning of her relationship with her man and I could tell by the way she talked about him that this day would come one day. I was overjoyed when a little over two years later she asked me to witness the union and I must say it was the most beautiful ceremony I've ever been to. I've been to my share of weddings, especially in the past year, but that was by far the best one. Not because the dinner was finger licking good. Not because they had the best live band who covered all the hits. No it was because I've never seen a couple that much in love. The doting, the beaming, the I-don't-see-anyone-else-right-now-because-I-love-you look was a regular visitor throughout the ceremony and reception by both parties. I know they are going to spend a wonderful lifetime together.

When I returned home, as is always the case for me after a wedding I start reflecting on my current, future and past relationships. One thing stuck in my head throughout my plane ride home, what was I going to do about Jerse? You see I've still been seeing him for the past couple of months and he's been my mistress to this blog. Seeing my girl wed her beau made me want to clear his jumpoff status. The only way I was going to openly write about him here, is if I had a talk with him about a few things first. You know those hard hitting questions you're supposed to ask early on, well I delayed them until I got back.

Unfortunately, I got some answers I didn't want. And as much as I tried to convince myself I could handle them, my melodramatic exit from his condo proved otherwise. I'm sad to report that Jerse's second and last entry to this blog is this one. Luckily I'm able to openly write about it this morning. Last night I must admit, I did swat away a tiny ass tear, but I manned up. I'm good now. The lesson learned from my experience with him is that ignoring a problem won't make it go away. Those unanswered questions that are nagging you about your relationship need to be dealt with head on.

I know what I want and I refuse to settle for less. I'm not saying that Jerse should have put a ring on it, no sir I would have laughed first, asked if he was serious later and ran faster than Usian Bolt out of his condo. What I am saying is know what you want and don't compromise yourself for anything less. Jerse got the we should be friends follow-up text because well after I get over wanting to run him over with my car, I think I still want him in my life. He was here for a reason, his season has ended but he's not the person I'm destined to spend a lifetime with.

Dating Report Card: Personality Goggles

Most people in a dimly lit, loud, over packed environment also known as a bar/club get "beer goggles" after a few alcoholic beverages. Since I hardly ever drink, I get what I have affectionately dubbed personality googles. This means that my ability to judge someone's intentions and compatibility are shot to hell due to combination of those distorting factors.

Without getting into too much detail and telling on myself, I'll give you the short hand version of how I met this gentlemen. While making my way outside for a break, it was too damn hot in there, a guy stopped me and asked for my name. I whispered "Silent" in his ear and kept walking. He grabbed my arm and asked to speak with me. I looked him over. Short but cute, I was bored so, "come with me," came out of my mouth.

What did we talk about outside you may ask? Obviously I have no clue based on what happened a few days later. Fast-forward to yesterday and our "date."

Punctuality: n/a

I was late because after a brief phone conversation with him I suspected that my judging capabilities were off that night. But I was a woman of my word so I went out with him anyway.

Creativity: F

He was very adamant about me meeting him at this one particular restaurant his "homie" worked at. I didn't want to keep arguing so I agreed to make my way there. As I arrived I saw him sitting with another gentleman. His "brother." (I start to remember from the night before that he called two other men who looked nothing like him, his "brother." ) Surprise. Surprise. This is a group date. No one told me, I would have prepared, meaning not showed up.

Chemistry: F

Apparently I speak too proper for his tastes. He asked me where my mother was from and I told him the Compton/Watts area. Considering she is from both I didn't stutter in my explanation. He mocked me for including area in the sentence. Seriously, you're mocking me for being too proper. I was waiting for him to tell me I spoke like a white girl. I'm a no holds barred girl, so I would have followed up with you speak like an ignorant thug told him that we had nothing in common and walked out if he had. I wish he had.

Allow me to go off-script from the usual dating report card because I really want you to get the 3D effect of this outing. He did excel at some things so I don't want you to think I'm a complete bitch. I'm considerate sometimes.

Drunkness: A+

There was a lot of joking and surface scratching going on at the table. Too bad (read thank goodness) it was between myself and his homeboy. My date was too wasted to even put two coherent sentences together. He occasionally had an outburst but his friend and I would mock him and continue our conversation.

Annoyance: A+

If I had to give a grade for how annoying he was, this is the only level he would excel at. Within 2 minutes of me sitting down, he asked me to buy him a drink. I thought he was joking until he asked me 4 more times within out 90 minute date.

Cheapness: A+

He and his friend argued with both our waiter and the manager about which drinks were included in happy hour. I was so tempted to pull out my credit card, pay the $35 tab and exit stage left. At this point I again found myself waiting for Hell Date camera's to come out, again, and tell me I had just been played. It never happened.

Overall: Epic Fail

He not only got an F but so did I. I should have taken more time to speak with him prior to meeting up. Those personality goggles messed me up but it was my responsibility to have a proper interrogation conversation before wasting my gas. At least I had something to blog about this morning. Silver lining?

 

Black [Female] Marriage Negotiations

While consuming my weekly dose of Belle, I stumbled upon this highly amusing video from AlumniRoundUp.com.



I know this is how many of my readers (who don't pay attention nor know me very well) view my blogging. I almost cried at the end, its so damn funny.

A few quotables:

"Sisters, are you tired of being alone."

"Where are all the good black men, I can't find one."

"Black men can't handle a strong black woman, you're too sensitive."

If someone can help me find the female version of this video (What black women think about how black men think), I would be greatly indebted.

Happy Friday Yall!

Cuddle Buddy Season

Its that time of year folks. The leaves are turning colors, the sun is going into hiding earlier and the old boos have dusted off my phone number and are using it again. This past Saturday was the beginning of Fall but I didn't need my calendar to tell me that. All I needed was to see the calls and text messages of several past boos. For me, it happens like clockwork every year. Since I never really end on bad terms per se with past suitors, they don't see the harm in calling my phone. They know the least I'll do is be cordial and if I have selective amnesia the timing is right and I'm bored receptive, I'd actually consider going out with them again.

It all makes perfect sense if you think about it:

1. Its cold outside (unless you're in hell, presently known as LA), so what better time than the fall to have a warm body around.

2. Warm tempartures mean less people are venturing outside so if you can't meet someone new, you may as well go to what wasn't completely broken right.

3. All guys think once they've been intimate with a lady, that they can get it anytime. Sorry my dear, us women have the power when it comes to revisiting the past.

If you want to take the lazy route this fall/winter cutty cuddle season, don't half step. Do all those things you did in the beginning to get her attention. I know those times in the past when I did decide to revisit an old flame, it was because they reminded me why I started liking them in the first place. Frequent phone calls, planned outings and great conversation. Of course by the end of the season, around the end of January, the remind me again why it didn't work out. Conveniently thats right before Valentines Day. Mhmmmm. That's another post for another time.

What say you Cereal Readers: Am I the only person who gets these calls the same time every year? Have you ever dated someone from your past again? How did it work out for you?

Reason #25116 Why I Won't Tell Facebook My Status

Is having a man like getting an Oscar? This is not a completely rhetorical question. Think about it, when a woman (do men encourage this?) get into a relationship, they implore an awkward conversation about the public link. I used to think that without putting it on Facebook, a relationship wasn't serious. Boy has that opinion totally changed!**

One of my girls recently entered a relationship and decided to let the world know by linking with her new beau on Facebook. I am excited and happy for her because she's excited and happy. I can see the joy in her new profile pic with this new man but I'm sorry the party bus stops there. Why is it that in 12 hours, she has already had 7 people, all girls mind you, comment on the relationship change? It really got me thinking, is this the third most important change in a relationship for a woman, behind getting married and having a baby. Is this what I have to look forward to when I enter a relationship? Granted I will not be posting my status change on the internet for the world to see, those who know me will have been along for the ride so they won't have to throw me a yay you're committed to one person party.

Also, do men do this to other men. If you see your homeboy, who you rarely speak to, change his status to in a relationship, do you bombard his wall and text message inbox with congratulation messages?

This isn't a post really...just some random thinking.

Speak your peace in the comment section.

**I am not knocking anyone who wants to express this change with the world, I am simply stating that it is not for me.