Cuddle Buddy Season

Its that time of year folks. The leaves are turning colors, the sun is going into hiding earlier and the old boos have dusted off my phone number and are using it again. This past Saturday was the beginning of Fall but I didn't need my calendar to tell me that. All I needed was to see the calls and text messages of several past boos. For me, it happens like clockwork every year. Since I never really end on bad terms per se with past suitors, they don't see the harm in calling my phone. They know the least I'll do is be cordial and if I have selective amnesia the timing is right and I'm bored receptive, I'd actually consider going out with them again.

It all makes perfect sense if you think about it:

1. Its cold outside (unless you're in hell, presently known as LA), so what better time than the fall to have a warm body around.

2. Warm tempartures mean less people are venturing outside so if you can't meet someone new, you may as well go to what wasn't completely broken right.

3. All guys think once they've been intimate with a lady, that they can get it anytime. Sorry my dear, us women have the power when it comes to revisiting the past.

If you want to take the lazy route this fall/winter cutty cuddle season, don't half step. Do all those things you did in the beginning to get her attention. I know those times in the past when I did decide to revisit an old flame, it was because they reminded me why I started liking them in the first place. Frequent phone calls, planned outings and great conversation. Of course by the end of the season, around the end of January, the remind me again why it didn't work out. Conveniently thats right before Valentines Day. Mhmmmm. That's another post for another time.

What say you Cereal Readers: Am I the only person who gets these calls the same time every year? Have you ever dated someone from your past again? How did it work out for you?

Reason #25116 Why I Won't Tell Facebook My Status

Is having a man like getting an Oscar? This is not a completely rhetorical question. Think about it, when a woman (do men encourage this?) get into a relationship, they implore an awkward conversation about the public link. I used to think that without putting it on Facebook, a relationship wasn't serious. Boy has that opinion totally changed!**

One of my girls recently entered a relationship and decided to let the world know by linking with her new beau on Facebook. I am excited and happy for her because she's excited and happy. I can see the joy in her new profile pic with this new man but I'm sorry the party bus stops there. Why is it that in 12 hours, she has already had 7 people, all girls mind you, comment on the relationship change? It really got me thinking, is this the third most important change in a relationship for a woman, behind getting married and having a baby. Is this what I have to look forward to when I enter a relationship? Granted I will not be posting my status change on the internet for the world to see, those who know me will have been along for the ride so they won't have to throw me a yay you're committed to one person party.

Also, do men do this to other men. If you see your homeboy, who you rarely speak to, change his status to in a relationship, do you bombard his wall and text message inbox with congratulation messages?

This isn't a post really...just some random thinking.

Speak your peace in the comment section.

**I am not knocking anyone who wants to express this change with the world, I am simply stating that it is not for me.

I wanna lose count!

Can you recount how many times you were intimate with your current or most recent partner? How many times you bumped uglies in the bedroom. How many times you've almost been arrested together for indecent exposure. How many times you've faked climaxed in a place other than your home. If the answer is yes, welcome to the “count em up club.” The club where you know all the details and number of times you were intimate with your current/past partner. This club is mainly for us single folk; I apologize to those of you who are active members of both this club and the “my partner give me any” club. I feel your pain.

Losing count signifies so much for me as a single woman. When this day comes again, I will most likely already be or be on my way to a committed relationship. While I am a sexually open person, I am not the casual sex type. I don't knock the people that are because for one very brief moment in my life, I was, but at this stage it just isn't for me. My best sexual experiences were with people that I connected with on other levels first. I got to know their likes and dislikes, plans for the future and then what made them make that constipated (keep doing that-strike through) face. I want this again so badly I can taste it (read both ways). I'm giddy and frustrated with anticipation of this day.

If you find yourself on a similar path don't lose hope. Just raise your glass, to the day when you can lose count again.

Currently at 20 weeks and counting. *Silent Shrug*

Friday Rambling

This was an actual phone conversation but I didn't feel like thinking of a witty, subject encompassing title so here is where I placed it.

Him: When do you have time off work again?

Me: I work a full-time 9-5 I'd have to request time off.

Him: I want to know what I have to do to get you to take time off and meet me in the D.R. next week. I can get you your own room or I can sleep on the cot in my room.

Me: That's not happening anytime soon. How bout we work on getting to know each other over the phone for a couple of months and see what happens.

-----

I met a guy in Miami a couple of weeks ago and we've had intermittent contact since. I was planning on friend zoning him since I decided after last years ma-lay that I wouldn't part take in long distance anything. I won't ask you what he thought would happen by offering international trips because I can break it down for you:

He's in the entertainment business so he thought I would be impressed. (Side-note: If he'd said anywhere in Europe I might have considered saying yes. I kid. I kid.) Anyway this brings up a subject that we Cereal Daters have addressed before but I figured I'd make a note for myself to fully detail later. I'm thinking of titling it "You can catch more bee's with honey and more hoe's with flights." Corny, right. I'll work on it this weekend. His proposition totally turned me off especially considering we've had a conversation about women only wanting him because of who he knows in the business.

Really? You don't know why you only attract groupies. I'll break it down for you next week, until then I'll let you marinate on this snippet.

An Open Letter to Myself: Stop that shit!

If you follow me on twitter then you have no doubt been witness to the my behavior when dealing with men who catch me off guard, men who I have an immediate attraction to and any man that my brain tells my conscious is appealing. When I am aware of a man’s appeal, I turn into a 16 year old girl. Not stiletto wearing (their shoe game puts mine to shame), sexually active, foul mouth sixteen year old of today’s society. The old school one we think of before Britney Spears ruined the image of an innocent girl in a white collared shirt, plaid tennis skirt and cute glasses.

The purpose of this letter is to hold myself accountable for this type of action. I have said several times that my coward behavior needed to change but have yet to set this declaration into motion. Well this is it. Yesterday I wanted to Chris Brown myself. Dramatic I know but I want to bring you into the inner workings of my sick mind. I’m walking out of the gym after a quick midnight run I notice two gentlemen approaching the entrance as I’m exiting. The tall one is somewhat attractive and eyeing me down so I encourage myself not to tense up when I walk by. I can get really clumsy when I’m focusing on not making a spectacle of myself. What do you think I do first in this situation? If you know me at all then you know the answer: I immediately avoid the possibility of eye contact and turn my head.

[insert shaking my damn head]

Then as I’m passing the duo, I hear the tall one who’s closest to me say ‘Hello.’ Seeing as I hadn’t completely passed them yet, I notice that he has stopped dead in his tracks awaiting my response. ‘’

Here is my immediate chain of thoughts:

“Okay Silent don’t mess this up. He’s cute and doesn’t mind that your hair is a mess, clothes don’t match and tennis shoes are well …. let’s just say I’ve had them for 6 years and have raced several 5 and 10k’s throughout LA in them. But he may just be being friendly so stop over thinking and respond. Shit Silent speak you’re about to pass them by!”

My response: “Hi” (read in the voice of a 16 year old girl who has a crush on the star football player who she didn’t even know she existed.)

Dear Silent,

Your brain has put your subconscious on probation. If this ish happens again your mouth will purposely say the first thing that comes to mind. You need to man up and grow out of that ish. You’re messing it up for the rest of us organs who dwell inside you, mainly your heart. Get that ish together. Let go and let it flow.

Signed,

Your concerned heart

Would You Date Yourself?

Yesterday's post reminded me about all of the inconsistent standards and requirements people have for their potential mate. Men don't want women with too much mileage when they are admittedly chopping down more women than Weezy F Baby. Men want women who are built like Nicki Minaj while they look like Rick Ross and their only work out includes picking up donuts and inserting into their mouths on a daily. (Post about this coming soon.) They want a young version of the model/mogul Tyra while their asses have bill collectors stored in their phones under 'I Aint Gotcha Money." The question I want to pose is simple: Would you date yourself? This question applies to both males and females.

I think its important that we understand what we offer before we can demand something from anyone else. You can amend the question to fit every part of your life.

Would you be your friend? Some of yall less reliable than a Diddy contract.

Would you kiss yourself? If people stand at least an arm distance away from you to have a conversation, you'd have a hard time tasting your own halitosis.

The list could on for days. My point is it’s easy to create a list of potential traits we want our mates to bring to the table but we should first evaluate what, if anything, we bring. When was the last time you looked in the mirror and were able to pass your own requirements? Do you think its fair to require something of someone else that you yourself aren't even close to possessing? If you can’t write down the things you bring to the table and say you would date yourself, maybe you should make some changes to both your list (I say burn the damn list) and yourself.

Dating Rule #16: No Looking Back

Although I’m supposed to stop dissecting conversations I have with the opposite sex (self imposed hiatus,) it’salmost second nature and sometimes I can’t help it. Trying to put together subtle comments is like a puzzle I can’t put away before bedtime. I need all the pieces to fit together so I can marvel at my masterpiece. I was having a random conversation with a guy I’m not dating. If you notice I seem to have a lot of these types of conversations for one of two reasons. They catch me when I’m sitting down doing nothing and I don’t mind killing time or I actually like talking to them but know for one reason or another even though our paths aren’t destined to end with one each other.

Throughout our two-hour long conversation with said gentleman, he made a couple of statements that made me question the purpose of his phone call. First, he started off with the predictable, ‘How have you been?’ That led us into a 30 minute conversation on mostly his life. He’s a talker and I’m a really good listener. Further into the exchange (used loosely) we got into talks about future career plans and where he wants to be. Again, I listened he continued sharing.

Basically he has taken a step back from women and dating. I guess that would explain why he called me. I feel like I’m his comfort zone. He knows he can call me and I’ll listen. Three comments stood out and are the basis of this post. (Sorry I’m so long winded today, I’m trying to avoid actually working at work.)

1. He’s going to be home all weekend.
2. For the 4th of July he’ll be at the park watching fireworks alone.
3. He’ll be without a car so….(this isn't the same situation as Youngin. This guy is normally mobile.)

I guess at this point I was supposed to invite myself over for the upcoming weekend. Taking our history into account, I’m sure that’s what he expected. When I told him goodnight without doing so, he sounded a bit confused. I don’t want to go backwards in dating. I’m moving full speed ahead without looking back.