As the Tables Turn

The bright red sign read:

Do not pass go.
Do not collect a single bachelor.

As recent as three months ago, this man had been around for the last two years patiently waiting for his second turn with me. I wasn't at a point in my life where I appreciated what I had in front of me. Just when I recognized it, he moved on with someone else, Ms. Red.

Fast forward to this past weekend, I had finally come to grips with this red status. His calls had become less and less frequent and Detroit was no longer a part of my life in that way. Plus, Chicago had finally made his way to L.A. and I was more concerned with exploring those opportunities.

After this week, I just don’t understand Detroit and what went through his head when he decided to reverse our relation. He hadn’t crossed my mind in the last couple of weeks because I was so enamored with Chicago and my weekend roundezvous with him. I haven’t thought about him, Ms. Red or our whole triangle for a while now. He had moved on and now I was beginning to do the same. Just when things in my life are beginning to make sense, Detroit decides he wants to confuse me all over again. The thing is I’m not confused anymore.

When he came over a couple of nights ago, the only thing on my mind was Chicago (and what color to paint the walls in my new apartment. I think I’ve picked out a pretty color palate.) The only benefit I got from his visit was the stroking of my ego. It doesn't hurt to know that a guy you were once interested in, is now interested in you. This doesn't mean that I don't still have feelings for him, because by no means were they turned off, it's just I look at him differently now since his visit.

At several points throughout the night I made sure to mention Ms. Red. At no point did he refute their relationship so I couldn't figure out the purpose of his visit since he has her. I refuse to believe that all men are the same, but yesterdays events were a bit disheartening. Knowing all that I know about him and Ms. Red, I just don't understand it.

He never confirmed whether or not he was still with Ms. Red, but he never denied it either. Plus his screen saver was a dead give away of some type of current relationship.

That's a serious turn off when guys are down to cheat with you because that means they're willing to cheat on you. - Jaded Radiance

Why has Detroit decided to make an appearance now? What does he want from me? (I'm sure these were probably some of the questions going through his head in April.)

Does this mean he is back at orange/yellow status?

The answer to those questions don't matter...

Letting it flow...(Part II)

I spent the entire week after going to see Chicago in San Diego stressing about what everything meant. Thinking that I needed to have a concrete answer to last weekend’s events and that I needed every question that came to mind answered. Thinking, as I normally do, that if you don’t request my time weeks in advance, that maybe you aren’t that interested in spending time with me. Thinking that maybe, that weekend of fun was just that, one weekend.

Chicago was going to be in LA this past weekend and hadn’t made any requests to see me while here. I thought for sure that maybe he wasn’t as interested in me as I was in him since he didn’t. I could tell when my friends asked me whether or not I would be seeing him while he was LA that they were just as disappointed with my answer as I was, “I don’t know.”

I did my best at every conversation with Chicago during that week not to let this concern show. I had plans for Friday night anyway, so it’s not like I was going to be stuck at home alone. It seems that someone I know was always celebrating something so my calendar stays packed. If Chicago wanted to see me he should have told me sooner.

It turned out that I spent everyday this pass weekend with him. From Friday, where I introduced him to some friends until late Sunday, any free time I had was spent with him. This weekend was just like last weekend, being in his company was stimulating and exhilarating. Our conversations kept my mind working and his sense of humor kept me laughing.

There was another by product of this weekend besides not having planned out our time together; I noticed that I became less of a phone hog. What is a phone you may ask? You know, those people who walk around with their cell phones in their hands, waiting for someone to call, email, text, Facebook or Blackberry them so that they can quickly reply. Yeah that is usually me.

Going along with my organizer instinct is this bad habit of always having my cell phone in my hand to make sure that I was available for other people. Something I had never thought twice about but could not understand why they couldn’t or wouldn’t do the same for me at times. This weekend, answering my phone promptly was out of the question. I was in my own world with Chicago no matter where we were and it felt great to relinquish some of the responsibilities of being the organizer.

My phone stayed out of my hand and in my pocket. I feel that it is rude to be in someone’s company and to constantly be checking your phone. So this weekend, like last weekend, I turned my phone on silent and enjoyed Chicago’s company. Doing this made me realize that not having everything planned out and not checking my phone 24/7 isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes it feels great to just go with the flow.

Disclaimer: don’t go with the flow right before your sister’s graduation if you are the designated driver. People may get very worried.

I think I may try this more often. As long as I am not inconsiderate of other people’s time, I won’t be so readily available. That’s what they make voicemails for anyway right. If I don’t have any scheduled plans, I’ll probably have my phone tucked somewhere out of sight.

Dear Friends,

I know that you are not used to me saying this but please leave a message after the tone. I know it may be hard, seeing as though you rarely ever hear it but I will get back to you as soon as possible.


Signed,

Ms. Relieved aka Si Si

It's Cool I Got It

Picture this: You’re out on a first date with a person I hope you have some interest in. The waiter will come to the table to drop off the bill. Nine times out of ten, if they are a woman, they will place the bill directly in front of the male. If it is a male waiter, there is a 50/50 chance that the bill will be placed at the center of the table or directly in front of the male. I have rarely ever gone out and found that a waiter or waitress places the bill in front of the woman.

What you do at this point says a lot about your character. (Both male and female)

If I’m not interested, the scenario will play out like this and believe that I’m so smooth, I won’t even flinch. I’ll look you straight in your eye and wait for your response. The bill will be placed at the table and I will continue our conversation as if nothing has happened. If he is a gentleman, he will immediately pick up the bill, without looking completely disgusted at our total; place his AMEX or Visa inside the folder and continue our conversation. I have a sly way of checking out what type of tip is left as well; points will be docked from cheap asses immediately.

Now picture this: you had such a great time, or it was at least bareable and have decided to go out again. This time I try something a little different. The most common reaction I have gotten is a look of surprise when I pull out my credit card. I then watch my dates face cringe and twist into ways I’ve never seen before. Most of the time when I say, “its cool I got it,” my male dates don’t know how to act but that's not always the case.

“Oh really, you got it, cool?” (While looking relieved they don’t have to use their last few dollars on one dinner.)

“Ummm, no that’s okay. I got it.” (While giving me the, ‘I’m a man and I’m here to take care of you’ look.)

“Well let me at least take care of the tip.” (While looking a bit defeated but wanting to at least contribute to our meal.)

I always pay close attention to theses responses. Now mind you, I won’t pull my credit card out if I don’t actually have some type of interest in the guy I am sharing a table with. If I have absolutely no interest in seeing you again, trust me, I aint budging when the check comes.

If you utter any words that sound remotely like this before I willingly pull out my credit card : “You got this one right, since I paid for the last one, right?!?!?!” you better believe, no I aint got it and yes this is the last time I will be seeing you.

Why is it that some men feel so emasculated by a woman paying the bill while others expect their dates to contribute at least something or even half the time?

I personally don’t like paying when I feel it is expected, but I don’t mind picking up a few bills every once in a while since I recognize that dating is expensive. But that whole 50/50 thing has just never registered with me and honestly I don’t think it will. Men should know how much they can and cannot afford and stay within those boundaries. I don't need an expensive meal to have fun. So again I must say, creativity is attractive.

What is your opinion? Does Ne-Yo have it right?

How many times have you said, “Its cool, I got it.”

Cue music…

Ne-Yo (She got her own)

I love her cause she got her own
She don't need mine, so she leave mine alone
There ain't nothing that's more crazy
Than a girl that want but don't need me (oh!)
Young independent, yea she work hard
But you can't tell from the way that she walk
She don't slow down 'cause she ain't got time
To be complaining, shawty gone shine
She don't expect nothing from no guy
She plays aggressive, but she still shy
But you never know her softer side
By lookin' in her eyes....
Knowin' she can do for herself
Makes me wanna give her my wealth
Only kinda girl I want
Independent queen workin' for her throne
I love her cause she got her own...
She got her own
I love her cause she got her own
She got her own
I love it when she say
It's cool I got it, I got it, I got it
I love it when she say
It's cool I got it, I got it, I got it

-------------------------
I still believe that each sex has their own roles and I make sure not to take that away when I offer to pay. It's okay to tell me no.

Ignorance is Not Bliss

You ever get a feeling that something just isn’t right but you can’t put your finger on it. On all accounts, everything fell into place this weekend, but something is off and I’m not sure what it is. One part of me wants to stay on cloud 16 and to hope that everything will work out, but the other part is a realist. It’s telling me that not everything is roses and that I need to dig deeper for my own benefit.

Since I identified this issue, I have concluded that the best way to deal with it was head on. At first I thought it would benefit me not to know all the things that he was actually willing to tell me, but now I’m feeling the exact opposite. In the past when I got this type of feeling, I put my guards up and slowly pulled away. I don’t want that to happen this time. I want my actions from this point on to be justified and in order to do that I need to ask some hard hitting questions.

I know there is a very high possibility I won’t like all the feedback I receive, but I’d rather hear it now than continue to falsely live in bliss. Ignorance is not bliss; it’s actually kind of annoying as a matter of fact. So I’m done with being this way.

I want the hard truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God.

Making it Count: Beginning of the road

Part IV

Chicago did some research before he came and had a few places he wanted to visit while tin San Diego. One of the places we went to was a lounge on the 40th floor of Hyatt hotel for drinks and more dialogue. Yes I said drinks. I had a strawberry lemon drop martini. I still don’t understand why people drink but I decided to partake in it nonetheless. My feelings about alcohol still haven’t changed. I will most likely be going back to being a plain Jane sober queen once. I did enjoy the beautiful view of downtown but I could not easily disguise my fear of heights. (Didn’t I mention I was terrified of heights?)

The rest of the weekend played out this way. We spent our time sight seeing, talking and really getting a feel for each other and our personalities. Chicago and I have a lot in common and our sarcasm tops the list. It’s hard for me to find someone who appreciates my remarks that are usually misconstrued as bitter bitchiness. I never had to explain a joke, or felt responsible for directing the conversation. (This is something I seem to always struggle with when dating, cant people take a joke?) I was completely uncensored and it felt great!

Although we do have some things we need to discuss in further detail, one thing I know for sure is that I had a lot of fun and I don’t regret a thing. The timing was right, the weekend was right and the hotel was beautiful. I enjoy his company and being in his presence felt safe, easy and effortless. Our chemistry is undeniable.

But what does that mean now?

It means I am still taking it one day at a time.

Making it Count: Perfect Picture

Part III

A few weeks back, while Chicago was planning his trip he asked me whether or not I wanted to share a bed or if I wanted a bed of my own. I ultimately left the decision up to him and he decided two beds were appropriate.

He didn’t want impose anything expectations on me. “I wanted to be a gentleman,” he replied to my facial reaction to the room set up.

“Thank you,” I replied out loud.

While we were discussing the arrangements, my head was going through its own exchange. The battle between appreciating his gesture and not wasting time had begun.

We sat down on the separate beds and began talking. “What was your first impression,” he asked.

“He is cute in person,” I bashfully replied and turned away.

We decided that we were going to take some time to walk around the resort. This way he could enjoy California weather and we could just talk simultaneously.

When he stepped away to use the restroom the phone rang.

“Can you get that,” Chicago yelled from behind the bathroom door.

You want me to answer your room phone, I thought.

I picked up the phone and it was one of our passengers. He and his wife wanted to know what we were going to get into for the early afternoon. I let him know of our plans and he invited himself and his wife along.

“That sounds like a great idea. Can we meet you guys in 30 minutes in the lobby?”

“Sure,” I hesitantly replied.

I hadn’t been with Chicago for more than 15 minutes before I would have to share him again.

He came out of the restroom, “What did they want,” he asked.

I informed Chicago of our now couples resort walk, “They want to come with us. I told them we would meet them in the lobby in 30 minutes. So I told them yes.”

“We haven’t had any time together yet and you told them they could come?”

I didn’t want to be rude to his friends.

We met his coworker and his wife, lets call them Hector and Reba, at the lobby and headed out to explore the resort. The hotel offered a number of water sports, which I told him I would not be participating in. Chicago said that he understood since my hair did look nice and brand new. I told him next time I’d be prepared for the water activities.

I had to take a step back when those words came out of my mouth. I was already referencing a time in the future that he may not want to occur.

We continued walking and talking. Hector and Reba were close behind as we followed the path around the lake of the hotel.

Conversation flowed with ease during the entire walk, as it had for the past umpteen months. This time we had facial expressions to go along with them, which made him that much more entertaining. Chicago is a very funny character who kept me laughing the entire time. He also had an inviting charm about him. So much so that I couldn’t help but stand close to Chicago, almost attaching myself to his hip as we walked. After about 10 minutes of playfully flirting and I intertwined my arms with his. No matter where we went, we stayed that way for most of my trip. He would always make sure to open every door so that I went in first and then extend his arm for me to hold on to. I felt like a little girl: safe and cared for.

From the outside looking in, any person who saw us would have thought we were a happy couple.

Making it Count: R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Part 2

The drive from LA to San Diego is a complete blur. Time seemed to drag in anticipation of 11 o’clock. I kept a smooth steady pace the entire ride. What good would I be if I was pulled over on the way for speeding?

By 10, I reached the San Diego International Airport exit. I was an hour early with nothing to do. I stopped at a local grocery store to kill some time. Although I had never been to the SD Airport, I knew that I couldn’t park there, for free, for an hour and wait. I didn’t actually need anything so when 10:45 came; I walked right out and headed straight to my car.

When I arrived at airport, I drove around trying to familiarize myself with the layout. The airport only had 3 terminals.

At that moment, my phone rang. “How was the drive?”

“It wasn’t that bad actually,” I replied, “Where are you?”

“We just landed and they are letting us off the plane. I’ll meet you outside the American Airlines baggage claim.” Chicago replied.

“Okay, I’m here so I’ll be waiting outside in a [insert color and model of my car],” I responded.

I circled the airport one more time and finally stopped at the American Airline terminal.

I parked and sat in the driver seat. I had agreed a few weeks before to drive his coworker and wife to his same hotel. So I was on the lookout for a couple and one single black male. The terminal was filled with Caucasian flyers so I knew I would be able to spot him right away.

Should I wait outside at the curb? Should I stay in the car? I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I saw three bodies head towards my car. I remained in the driver seat as I waived their way and popped my truck.

As they piled their bags into my car, I debated whether or not I should get out and help.

Get out of the damn car, I exclaimed to myself. As I headed toward the trunk, I took a moment to check out Chicago. He was much taller than I remembered and I could see the slight definition of his arms showing from underneath his sweater.

“It’s good to see you. You’re a lot cuter than I remember,” Chicago said as he gave me a long embrace.

As we held each other I couldn’t help but smell his cologne; he smelled nice. “It's good seeing you too,” I replied.

Chicago introduced me to my soon to be passengers. After we exchanged hello’s, we headed to the hotel.

After everyone got their room keys, we agreed to meet in the lobby in a couple of hours. Chicago grabbed my bag and we walked to our room. "Chivalry isn't dead," I commented.

"Of course not," he smiled and replied.

Chicago asked me about my drive and caught up on the past few hours of our respective mornings. He was both attentive and interested in everything I had to say. I felt so comfortable being around him. I immediately felt my guard slowly coming down. Although this was the first time I was seeing him in person since last November, I felt like no time had passed since our last meeting.

He opened the hotel room to let me in. Chivalry check. Courtesy check. Cuteness check, check.

So far, so good, I thought.

I walked into the room and noticed their were two Queen-sized beds. I turned and looked at him in amazement.

Two beds...